Story: Blessed Are Those Who Mourn

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Aishachan
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Postby Aishachan » Mon May 22, 2017 9:53 pm

So this isn't exactly art, but this is something that I made. It's a short story about what happened with a regiment she was with before coming here, mostly focusing on her and her mentoring commissars interaction. I'm actually kind of proud of it, and it's the first thing I've tried writing in 40K.

People are welcome to leave comments, though if you don't like it please at least be polite! Constructive criticism is welcome- even if it's something like grammar. I know I'm not the best with it, so I'm always happy to learn to do better!

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1WBK ... sp=sharing

Currently playing:
The earnest-est little commissar// But what would a Commissar do? // There's a form for (or on) that!

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Fates End
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Postby Fates End » Mon May 22, 2017 10:33 pm

I think that perhaps, you have captured what I adore about the 40k universe.

In that it is ever so grim, and ever so dark. But still, hope remains. Life goes on :)

It's a beautiful short, gives a lot of insight into Zoya.

Also, personally I think your grammar is pretty spot on. Minor things here and there, but a lot of that I believe would simply be chalked up to how I prefer to write, as opposed to proper use.

Once again, Beautiful :)

Fates
"In life, war. In death, peace. In life, shame. In death, atonement."

(Fates now has too many characters to link easily. Thus follow this handy link to my character thread and go wild.

DrAwesome2012
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Postby DrAwesome2012 » Tue May 23, 2017 8:54 am

That. Was an amazing short story. You are a great writer, ma'am, and I personally think you should do more. As fate said, it's the right blend of grim darkness we all know and love, and hope that is so rare in this universe. I applaud you *golf claps*.
viewtopic.php?f=8&t=77
Corporal Tayber Luskin, just an ordinary Guard sniper from Cadia, and Shas'Ui Kisi, a disgruntled Tau medic without a past

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Aishachan
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Postby Aishachan » Tue May 23, 2017 11:54 pm

Aww, thank you guys so much! I was really nervous putting it up here as I don't normally share things I write outside my gaming group. I am really absolutely flattered that people like it. ^w^

I think that part of it is the setting and commissars themselves let you get really quiet dark in ways other things wouldn't normally let you, and you also have ways that some other settings wouldn't have to provide hope. But again, just thank you guys so much, Fate, DrAwesome.

Currently playing:
The earnest-est little commissar// But what would a Commissar do? // There's a form for (or on) that!

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Drocol Ritter von Krieg
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Postby Drocol Ritter von Krieg » Wed May 24, 2017 1:06 am

Reading this made me feel... and I'm a lost for feels.



This short story was, surprising. At best. Seeing a hardy, well educated, Commissar. The figure of utmost loyalty and authority of the Battlefield. Mourn about a specific person or group that died in the Service of the Emperor. Sought have put me at awe.

I j-just can't explain. It was, just...emotional. A rare event occurred in my right eye where a single drop of liquid formed and slid down my cheek.

We should have a Thread for this. Where everyone could post their Literature. Share their Characters experiences across the Sectors.




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Commissar Cat
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Postby Commissar Cat » Wed May 24, 2017 1:40 am

Still love it. <3 Poor smol Zoya.

I need to share some of the one-off pieces for the 183rd, they actually explain a great deal.

Mordian Characters:
Others: / / /

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Johannes Wyss von Krieg
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Postby Johannes Wyss von Krieg » Wed May 24, 2017 1:42 am

I suppose I could add a few stories from my Kriegsmen, Maybe Erika? Be warned, my English Skills leave a lot to be desired for.

/

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Hobbsy
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Postby Hobbsy » Wed May 24, 2017 3:52 am

My characters have there own stories too, I'd be keen to share them if we do this.

Again, great work Aishachan!
//

DrAwesome2012
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Postby DrAwesome2012 » Wed May 24, 2017 7:32 am

Vlaev's got a few war stories I could share. Not that I have them made up at this moment, but eh.
viewtopic.php?f=8&t=77
Corporal Tayber Luskin, just an ordinary Guard sniper from Cadia, and Shas'Ui Kisi, a disgruntled Tau medic without a past

Nevaraon
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Postby Nevaraon » Wed May 24, 2017 8:30 am

After reading this, it gives her conversation in Yorke's office about Vayne a new layer to look at it through. For me at least. Really well written.

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CyGamer
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Postby CyGamer » Wed May 24, 2017 11:56 am

Great story Aisha, and you have started something it seems

Who says the future has to be grimdark? Matt Ward that's who.

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Johannes Wyss von Krieg
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Postby Johannes Wyss von Krieg » Wed May 24, 2017 12:42 pm

I have written a few short stories back in the Death Korps HQ Thread, but nothing of this calibre. I might attempt something when I'm not studying or passed out in my bed. Who knows, HSchool's a magical place

/

DrAwesome2012
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Postby DrAwesome2012 » Thu May 25, 2017 7:28 am

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=77
Corporal Tayber Luskin, just an ordinary Guard sniper from Cadia, and Shas'Ui Kisi, a disgruntled Tau medic without a past

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Aishachan
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Postby Aishachan » Fri May 26, 2017 7:03 pm

Thank you guys! I am so happy that people are enjoying it and flattered that you all took the time to comment. : )

I do hope that people start posting their stories! We have a lot of good writers and I would really love to read what they've all written! I think it'll be great.

(Also good luck with your tests Wyss!)

Currently playing:
The earnest-est little commissar// But what would a Commissar do? // There's a form for (or on) that!

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Johannes Wyss von Krieg
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Postby Johannes Wyss von Krieg » Fri May 26, 2017 9:11 pm

Thank you all. I truly appriciate the support :)

/


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